In Defense of Moms - Give us a freaking break!

Today was the first day of summer for the kids here, first day I woke up feeling better after a nasty cold, Friday, and most importantly a scheduled play-date! I thought it was great, it is National Doughnut Day so I grabbed some and went on my merry way. Our kids had a great time, my 21 month old took a great nap, and I was waiting for my 3 year old's craft to dry when I decided to check facebook to see what was going on in the world. In our town, there is a group called Gripes and Grins where people go to bitch about just about everything. I never commented on this group but rather watched the judgement, hate and overall bad attitudes in a high school way. B and I have been talking about leaving the group because it is so negative. And much to my surprise to find someone griping about some mom and her crazy kids and how basically the mom was terrible and irresponsible, reading through it, I knew immediately, it was about me.


At first I was completely mortified and started crying, no mother wants to be publicly humiliated, judged, made to feel inadequate, or worst of all, a bad mother. I called my husband in tears and texted my fellow mothers in yoga pants and they all reassured me this was some crazy, judgy, childless, bitch who didn't get her doughnut as fast as she would have liked. Then I start thinking about it, I did nothing wrong, my kids were doing nothing wrong, and all these other people were just getting on the mom judging bandwagon and not knowing the truth, were so willing to throw the "mom" (me) under the bus. I wanted to reply to all these people and let them know the true events and my husband reminded me that these people suck and the point would be lost on them.

So here we are and I am pissed! I am steaming now with anger for every judgement made upon every parent, especially mother, I know. The sideways glance, the disdain in your face when my child comes up to you and says hello, the whispers to the rest of your table, moving to another part of the restaurant and letting me know it is because of me and my children that you cannot bear to be near us. You know what I have to say to you? FUCK YOU! You have no idea what is going on in our lives, how no matter what tactic you use, your toddler is going to run and scream, we barely leave the house in fear that someone will say something and mortify us, and we cry when you judge us.

I took my little girls to a fucking doughnut shop on National Doughnut Day which is the first day of no school. I don't know if that is a fine establishment but I did not expect my children to be on their best behavior and God forbid, they were excited for a fucking doughnut! Yes, I did tell my 3 year old to go inside and wait in line, I was parked right in front of the door and the line was huge. I was unbuckling my 21 month old out of her carseat. But you know what, my 3 year old didn't want to go inside, no big deal, she waited for me and we went in together. Yes, 21 month old was excited and ran to the window full of doughnuts, a true treat for my little ones. There were two other children there, playing with my girls, running along a hall with a giant chalkboard that was at kiddo height, I cannot imagine this was put for all the adults to crouch down and color while waiting in line for their lard ring. They have freaking games for kids in the waiting line, since when is it out of line and irresponsible to allow my kids to touch kid games. Yes, my 21 month old made a break for it and tried to run into the kitchen, I ran as fast as I could and she only got to the cash register which is all of 2 feet into the back. Heaven forbid a mother not being fast enough to grab her child while keeping an eye on her other kid and dodging other parents and kids in a space that is roughly 10x20. I'm terribly sorry my baby touched your leg thinking it was me but instead saw you and smiled at you with her chipped toothed grin, I swear she was vaccinated for cooties. Apparently you were the only one to feel this way because I got a couple of people laugh at my little ninja and a grandpa looking fellow say it was fun to watch my girls having so much fun and my they were a handful but cute! I would have loved to see this woman hold a 30 lb kid, balance a box of doughnuts, hold a 3 year old's hand, holding keys and a wallet all at the same time!

I feel like all we do as parents of young children is explain, apologize, and feel terrible about every parenting choice or experience and I am completely fed up. I am a mom of two kids under 4 and it is fucking tough! I do not have a family support system but thank God each and every day for a group of moms that do not judge me but instead love me and my kids, watch out for each other, and help when it is needed. We are already tired and spent from our kids each and every minute, we do not need you to interject yourself into our lives unless you want to give us props. I remember each and every time someone came us and told me I was doing a great job and it is really hard. A little compassion and understanding goes a long way. Being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had and I absolutely love it. Do not insinuate that I do not care about my children's behavior, I let them be a little more themselves when they are at appropriate venues, i.e. a doughnut shop or a restaurant playground. The fact that all these other people piled on to other moms they see at a restaurant makes me so sad. We rarely go out to eat and it is treat (especially for me!) we carefully chose places that accommodate our children and allow us to relax a little. I'm sorry my kids kill your buzz, but I NEED a buzz.


Whenever you see a mom of young ones, be nice, we have feelings too, and most likely, they are pretty near the surface from being emotionally drained. We love our kids and hope that they are more mannered as they grow and learn, but right now is hard and we collapse each day after our angels fall asleep. We try our hardest and we love our kids fiercely.

On happier things, here are pictures of the two doughnut experience killers!



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