What the Fat?!
In my download last week, I mentioned that I had issues with my weight, nothing new if you know me. I have struggled for most of my life and recently it has become almost unbearable, to the point that it made B sad about how sad I was. The depression around it really hit a high note when I weighed myself, only to see the number was a couple of pounds higher than it was when I gave birth. Impossible, I thought to myself, but this was such a familiar story with me...
I was the chubby kid in the schoolyard starting at about 7 years old, my parents worked a ton and we ate out most meals, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Most of the food choices I made, were not good, eating too much and some of the worst foods you can eat. Sometimes, I get sick to my stomach thinking about the food I used to eat. With my parents working as much as they did at their business, I just hung around the office most days and evenings, being sedentary. I briefly got into softball when I was in middle school but my season was cut short when I had an issue with my back that required surgery. I always had aspirations of changing my health, trying out for the volleyball team my freshman year in high school, going to the gym, dieting, etc. but nothing ever seemed to work. My self esteem was always low and I felt like there was no possible way to change my appearance, growing up in Southern California and being surrounded by beautiful and thin people definitely did not help my feelings.
When I graduated high school, I was sick of being the friend to every guy with no interest in me to date. I started to get on a diet, Suzanne Sommers, it seemed easy enough and it generally was. I also needed to save as much money as possible before going to college so I had three jobs. I usually did not have time to exercise but with three jobs, there was not much time to make poor choices. I ended up losing over 40 pounds and I was incredibly proud of myself but still wanted to lose more weight, I was still chunky. I worked out as much as possible and tried to take advantage of the huge salad bar at my school cafeteria but their damn pizza was out of this world! I did not gain any additional weight but stayed the same. When freshman year ended, I was unable to return to school for the remainder of my education, putting me in a small funk, leading again to poor choices.
That is when I met B and my world became good again, we worked together, lived near each other and we even worked out. As most studies show, as you ease into a long-term relationship, the weight creeps up. I eventually was back up to my weight I was in high school, sad that I had gained every pound that I was so proud to have lost. Then I get blessed with pregnancy, determined to not gain too much weight, I kept a lot of food intake to a reasonable amount. It worked and I was so proud of myself to have only gained 21 pounds by the day my sweet Ainsley came into the world. I did not have unhealthy cravings in general so I was lucky in that respect. I actually was back to my pre-pregnancy weight in three weeks.
I started to eat more, telling myself I needed the extra food because I was breastfeeding my little one. Ice cream was back in the freezer at any given day, something I had no appetite for while pregnant. One stop at Starbucks for a Frappuccino, another at the drive through for some fries, it all adding up. Then B got a new job and he moved out to Texas, leaving me to my own devices while packing up our entire life. More bad choices and excuses ensued and here we are, back up to 9 months pregnant weight...
So there is my fatty story and I am ready to change it, once and for all. Below are my starting pictures, I am too embarrassed to include my numbers but hopefully that will change over time. I am making the hardest effort I ever have, I realized that I never want Ainsley to feel the way I have over the years or see her Mama so sad and with poor body image. This is the first week of the rest of my life. I have made considerable changes in our meals, I am walking everyday and working out 5 out 7 days this week. My amazing and supportive husband is also making healthy eating choices and walking with Ainsley and I when he is home. I am happy to say that I have lost 5 pounds this week and I am working hard to keep those kind of results going.
I was the chubby kid in the schoolyard starting at about 7 years old, my parents worked a ton and we ate out most meals, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Most of the food choices I made, were not good, eating too much and some of the worst foods you can eat. Sometimes, I get sick to my stomach thinking about the food I used to eat. With my parents working as much as they did at their business, I just hung around the office most days and evenings, being sedentary. I briefly got into softball when I was in middle school but my season was cut short when I had an issue with my back that required surgery. I always had aspirations of changing my health, trying out for the volleyball team my freshman year in high school, going to the gym, dieting, etc. but nothing ever seemed to work. My self esteem was always low and I felt like there was no possible way to change my appearance, growing up in Southern California and being surrounded by beautiful and thin people definitely did not help my feelings.
When I graduated high school, I was sick of being the friend to every guy with no interest in me to date. I started to get on a diet, Suzanne Sommers, it seemed easy enough and it generally was. I also needed to save as much money as possible before going to college so I had three jobs. I usually did not have time to exercise but with three jobs, there was not much time to make poor choices. I ended up losing over 40 pounds and I was incredibly proud of myself but still wanted to lose more weight, I was still chunky. I worked out as much as possible and tried to take advantage of the huge salad bar at my school cafeteria but their damn pizza was out of this world! I did not gain any additional weight but stayed the same. When freshman year ended, I was unable to return to school for the remainder of my education, putting me in a small funk, leading again to poor choices.
That is when I met B and my world became good again, we worked together, lived near each other and we even worked out. As most studies show, as you ease into a long-term relationship, the weight creeps up. I eventually was back up to my weight I was in high school, sad that I had gained every pound that I was so proud to have lost. Then I get blessed with pregnancy, determined to not gain too much weight, I kept a lot of food intake to a reasonable amount. It worked and I was so proud of myself to have only gained 21 pounds by the day my sweet Ainsley came into the world. I did not have unhealthy cravings in general so I was lucky in that respect. I actually was back to my pre-pregnancy weight in three weeks.
I started to eat more, telling myself I needed the extra food because I was breastfeeding my little one. Ice cream was back in the freezer at any given day, something I had no appetite for while pregnant. One stop at Starbucks for a Frappuccino, another at the drive through for some fries, it all adding up. Then B got a new job and he moved out to Texas, leaving me to my own devices while packing up our entire life. More bad choices and excuses ensued and here we are, back up to 9 months pregnant weight...
So there is my fatty story and I am ready to change it, once and for all. Below are my starting pictures, I am too embarrassed to include my numbers but hopefully that will change over time. I am making the hardest effort I ever have, I realized that I never want Ainsley to feel the way I have over the years or see her Mama so sad and with poor body image. This is the first week of the rest of my life. I have made considerable changes in our meals, I am walking everyday and working out 5 out 7 days this week. My amazing and supportive husband is also making healthy eating choices and walking with Ainsley and I when he is home. I am happy to say that I have lost 5 pounds this week and I am working hard to keep those kind of results going.
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